Calvin & Hobbes World: The Episodic Series!
by Sailor Androm3da
Summary: Calvin & Hobbes World is an all-new episodic series full of humor, adventures, and cheap toaster strudel! Rated T  for mild mature humor and language.
1. Welcome!

**Hi there, peoples! Welcome to Calvin & Hobbes World! The brand-new episodic Calvin & Hobbes series in the style of my new all-time favorite show, South Park (only watered down a little bit for the site).**

**Like I keep saying, I get very busy sometimes, so that's why I'm changing gears, and making an episodic fanfiction series that keeps a steady pace with my schedule! Sometimes a new episode will be released in a day, other times it could take a week or so.**

**Anyways, enjoy, and pleas keep checking back for new episodes and updates!**

**-Ojamajo Boy 178, who likes to torrent.**


	2. Episode 1: Calvin Gets A C Section

(The Mr. Lederhosen Toaster Strudel Factory. Two workers are making strudel on an assembly line)

Jones: Hey, Walker! Pick up the pace, you lazy nut!

Walker: Don't tell me what to do, Jones! I ain't yer little monkey slave!

Jones: You sure as hell ain't my slave, but that don't mean you're a monkey!

Walker: Oh, that's it!

(Jones and Walker tussle, a coin flies out of Walker's pocket and lands on one of the strudels, then gets covered with frosting and sprinkles, then gets sent to packaging)

(Three days later, morning, Mom is washing the dishes)

Mom: CALVIN! Time to get up!

(Calvin walks down the stairs, tired)

Calvin: *sigh* morning, Mom. Can I have a toaster strudel for breakfast?

Mom: No, Calvin, those things are full of lard and fat. You're having oatmeal.

Calvin: We're out of oatmeal. Hobbes and I were using it for Paper Mache.

(Mom looks over to the living room and sees an overturned bowl on the floor, and lumpy oatmeal Paper Mache all over the walls)

Mom: *facepalm* fine, there in the pantry.

(Calvin gets a box of Mr. Lederhosen Toaster Strudel, opens it, takes out a fresh one, pops it in the toaster and waits)

Mom: Did you remember your things for school?

Calvin: Yes, mom.

Mom: Good, here's your lunchbox. Now eat your strudel, get dressed and get going.

(The strudel pops out of the toaster, Calvin takes it out and bites into it.)

Calvin: *chew chew CRUNCH!*

(Calvin's eyes grow wide, and then swallows hard)

Calvin (looks at strudel): They must've overcooked some of it again.

(Calvin and Hobbes are waiting for the bus)

Calvin: Another crappy day at my crappy school. Thanks for waiting with me, Hobbes.

Hobbes (munching on Calvin's sandwich he took from his lunchbox): *munch munch* what did you say?

Calvin (looks at Hobbes): Hey! You took my sandwich, you big furry moocher!

Hobbes (mouthful): Your mom forgot to cut it diagonally again.

(Calvin's stomach grumbles)

Hobbes: Yikes, what was that?

Calvin: That overcooked part of my strudel must not be settling well.

(School Calvin is sitting at his desk, fidgeting)

Miss Wormwood: And so, class, in 1942…

Calvin (squirming around): *PFFFT! PBBRT!* Ughh! I don't feel good!

Susie (face scrunched up, looking disgusted): That's really gross, Calvin! Can't you sit up straight and not fart like an animal?

Calvin: *PBBBBTTT!* Waugh! Susie, I can't help it! *BBBBRT!* Oh sweet God!

Miss Wormwood: …Which ended in- (looks over) Calvin, is something wrong?

Calvin (stumbling out of chair, staggering to the door) Miss Wormwood, I don't feel *PBBHT!* I need to go *BBBRRHT!* call my mom!

(Calvin leaves room, everyone is wide-eyed)

(At the hospital, Calvin is lying down in a hospital bed, still farting, his parents are talking to the doctor)

Doctor: Your son has apparently swallowed a coin that is blocking up his digestive track. He's going to need to get a C section so we can remove it.

Calvin: What? A C section? But I'm *PHBBT!* not a pregnant lady!

Doctor: It's your only hope, son, unless we can get the coin out, you're not going to make it.

Calvin: Dammit!

(Later on that day, Calvin is out of surgery, stitches are all over his belly, everyone is in the car driving home)

Dad: I hope you've learned your lesson, Calvin. Swallowing a coin, how childish and irresponsible!

Calvin: Dad I don't even know how the coin got IN me!

(Flashback to earlier that morning: Calvin bit into the strudel, crunching down on something hard, then swallowing it)

Calvin: That's it! There must've been a coin in the strudel I ate!

Mom: How the hell can a coin get inside a strudel?

(Dad pulls over and sees a poster on a lamppost saying "LOST! A rare 1955 penny! Last seen in the Mr. Lederhosen Strudel Factory! If found, please return to 1666 Oakburt Drive.)

(Calvin and his parents are at Walker's house)

Walker: Hello?

Dad: Is this your penny? (holds up the penny, covered in poo)

(That night, back home, Calvin and Hobbes are watching TV)

TV Reporter: Our top story today: A lawsuit against the Mr. Lederhosen Toaster Strudel company has been issued due to a penny inside one of the strudels being consumed by a local 6-year-old child and almost causing life-threatening constipation!

Hobbes: Well, it's great that things are back to normal, but sorry that you're probably not going to ever eat another toaster strudel ever again.

Calvin: That's ok, Hobbes. To tell you the truth, I never really liked Mr. Lederhosen. They never put enough sprinkles on the strudel, the filling is bitter, and the mascot creeps me out!

Hobbes: It's just a toaster strudel in lederhosen. How can it creep you out?

Calvin: Hobbes, just trust me on this one.

THE END!


	3. Episode 2: Fluffy, King of the Dolphins

(Calvin is eating by himself at lunch, Moe approaches him)

Moe: Hey, Twinky! Gimme yer Mr. Lederhosen Toaster Strudel or I'll knock yer brain out! Those things are worth a pretty penny since the factory closed down, and I'm gonna sell it for-

Calvin: Money for a shave? Seriously, Moe, you're so hairy I swear I saw fleas in your unibrow. Ha ha ha!

Moe: Oh, you're dead, you little ass-kisser!

(Moe takes a coconut out of his pocket and readies it)

Moe: I bought this special fer you, Calvin!

(Moe throws the coconut at Calvin, knocking him out)

Miss Wormwood: Moe McNameless! How dare you hit another student with a coconut! (walks up and takes coconut and drags Moe out by the arm) You're going straight to the principal's office, young man!

(Kids gather around Calvin, Susie steps out of the crowd)

Susie: Hey Calvin, you okay? Calvin? (Susie pinches Calvin's ear and yanks it up) HEY YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD! WAKE UP!

Kid in Crowd: No good. He's out cold!

(Later on, Calvin's parents come to the school and talk to Ms. Wormwood)

Ms. Wormwood: I apologise for what happened to your son. He suffered a fatal blow to the head.

Dad (whispering): Not fatal enough, sadly.

Mom (hits Dad): Dear! How can you say that? Is he going to be alright?

Ms. Wormwood: I'm not sure. Take Calvin home, put him to bed, and hope for the best.

Dad (whispering): If we hope for the best, he won't wake up.

Mom (hits Dad hard): Dear! Just shut up already! I'm sorry about my husband, Ms. Wormwood. He wanted a dog.

(Back home, Calvin is lying in bed, with Hobbes looking down on him)

Hobbes: Calvin? Hey Calvin, wake up. (Takes cookie out and waves it under Calvin's nose) Look what I got!

(Calvin's eyes open up wide, both scream, and Hobbes falls backwards onto the floor)

Calvin (shouting): You expect me to talk, Goldfinger?

Hobbes: Calvin, are you OK?

Calvin: I'm not Calvin. I am Fluffy, King of the Flying Dolphins!

Hobbes: Huh, boy. That coconut busted up your brain.

Calvin: I must escape from this hellish torture chamber and return to my people on Kaheehee Island!

Hobbes: Calvin, I mean, Fluffy, the door's open. Now get the fudge out of here, you're starting to freak me out.

Calvin: Bless your soul, my good man! TO KAHEEHEE ISLAND, AWAAAAYYYY! (Runs out of room)

(Later that night, Calvin is watching TV)

TV Announcer: Now in theaters: Dolphin Tale. Rated G.

Calvin: *Loud Dolphin Noise*

Mom: Alright, Calvin, no more nonsense. Time to get into the bath.

Calvin (being lead to the bathroom): Excuse me, strange lady. Please direct me to Kaheehee Island. I must return to my people.

Mom (opening bathroom door and escorting Calvin inside): The only thing I'm directing you to is the bathtub. Now get in. I got out your favorite bath toys, including your rubber sea creatures.

Calvin (ecstatic): I have returned to Kaheehee Island! *Loud Dolphin Noise* (Jumps in tub, splashing everywhere)

Mom: Damn, I've never seen Calvin so happy to take a bath before. That coconut saved my bacon! (Closes bathroom door)

Calvin (picking up dolphin toy): I have returned, my fellow dolphins! Let us continue our war against the nefarious (picks up rubber duck and squishes it, making a squeaky noise) Duck Armada!

(Meanwhile, Hobbes sneaks out of the house, takes the wagon, and rides downtown)

Hobbes: This is a bunch of giraffe poo. I got to find another coconut and hit Calvin with it so he can get his memory back! But where to find a coconut…

(Hobbes sees a sign on the side of the road that says "Jo Jo Yah's Tropical Food Market. Right on Buckle Street North)

Hobbes: I need to say that more often.

(Meanwhile, Calvin is still fantasizing in the tub)

Calvin: You quacked your last, evil King Duck! (Squeezes a cute rubber duck with a little crown on it's head, makes an adorable squeaky noise) and now, feel the power of the Kaheehee Dolphins! (Holds duck under tap runs boiling hot water, melting and deforming it) VICTORY TO THE DOLPHINS! *Loud Dolphin Noise*

Mom (opens door): Calvin, what smells like burning plastic in here? Oh my gracious! You melted your toy duck!

Calvin: My name is not Calvin, It's Fluffy, and I slayed the evil King Duck to save my people!

Mom (picks up Calvin out of bath): OK, bath time is over, Mr. Dances with Dolphins! I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but I'm not buying it!

Calvin: No! NOOO! I must return to my island home! Let me go, you heartless witch! I bet you're one of them, aren't you? You're trying to avenge your dead king, but I shall not let you!

Mom (puts Calvin's pajamas on him then throws Calvin into bed): Calm down and go to sleep. You're really driving us up the wall! (slams door closed)

(Hobbes climbs in through the window)

Calvin: Oh, it's you again, my striped orange companion! You must help me in my battle to-

(Hobbes throws coconut at Calvin's head, knocking him out)

Hobbes: Calvin, Calvin? Speak to me! Please be back to normal…

(Calvin's eyes slowly open)

Calvin: Huh?

Hobbes: He's awake! Now, let's see if he's normal again, or, to be frank, Calvin-normal. (Holds out a chocolate chip cookie in one hand, and a rubber dolphin in the other. Calvin reaches for the cookie, snatches it up, then eats it)

Hobbes: Calvin, you're back! (Hugs Calvin)

Calvin (wriggling): Ouch! OK, Hobbes! Let go! Man, I had a crazy dream.

Hobbes: It wasn't a dream, Calvin. You got hit by a coconut and lost your memory.

Calvin: So…I really WAS making dolphin noises and acting like I was a dumbass?

Hobbes: Yes.

(Calvin crawls under bed)

Calvin: I'm gonna wait under here until everyone forgets this happened.

THE END


End file.
